Gone Bad (a draft)
Because my mind is duplicitous
I can still see your face. It should
be a blur after all this time,
or splashed with the red hate of graffiti
If I could will your memory
Into the murky depths of a watery grave,
(Ego te baptizo... )
its' baptism and death
will rebirth me
Why not drill a hole
into this brain and drain you out
like a disease festering should be
cast out, bagged and burnt
and I, sterilized
walk free
I could gather these thoughts
Of you and shroud them
under a hundred layers of other
happier concerns
But you stubbornly lodge
yourself there
like a paperweight I wish
I could hurl against the wall and watch
fragment into nothing
I can still see your face. It should
be a blur after all this time,
or splashed with the red hate of graffiti
If I could will your memory
Into the murky depths of a watery grave,
(Ego te baptizo... )
its' baptism and death
will rebirth me
Why not drill a hole
into this brain and drain you out
like a disease festering should be
cast out, bagged and burnt
and I, sterilized
walk free
I could gather these thoughts
Of you and shroud them
under a hundred layers of other
happier concerns
But you stubbornly lodge
yourself there
like a paperweight I wish
I could hurl against the wall and watch
fragment into nothing
posted by Medusa aka expiringpoet at 2:21 AM
5 Comments:
hey medusa, this is pretty good, yah!
the first stanza already grabs attention , but i can't understand how come graffiti can be associated with hate.
stanza 2 needs reworking, like after you cast away the bad memories, what is going to happen to you.
i like stanzas 4 and 5, good.
IMO, a potential for a good poem, a bit dark and edgy, but i like this type. :)
Hello Snakey friend! When did you escape from my head? Must make sure i comb you properly next time and clip you in! MWAHAHAAAAAA!!!!
Allllllrite....time for seriousness.
First,tnx for letting me know what works for you and what doesnt lah. I'll attempt to explain ok, altho pls forgive if it sounds muddled (sleepy me just got back home from watching Da Vinci Code)
Why i associate graffiti with hate, to me its a representation of ghetto-art, traditionally. A medium for angry youths to express their emotional dissatisfaction. Mostly, i think red paint is used quite effectively to deface something or reflect raw emotion.
Stanza 2 is about the rite of cleansing or baptism and rebirth.
Before rebirth can happen, a person must experience death.
Here, the subject wants to cleanse her mind of sad memories, hoping when she does that, 'he' or the memories of him will die and propel her rebirth and she can move on. I guess this stanza may be too abstract to grasp, this is the comment i got from someone else too
:)
haha, too late! i have escaped to the sewers of the city!
man. look at the time you post your stuff!
yes, after your explanation, i do understand the poem better. It is already good to start with :)
You are on the right path my friend! :)
- Dead Poet
You guys and the rest at DPS inspire me, thanks for your kind encouragement :]
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