Something to think about

'..if my muscles ache, it's because I've used 'em. It's hard for me to walk up them steps now, its 'cuz I walked up 'em every night to lay next to a man who loved me. I got a few wrinkles here and there, but I've layed under thousands of skies with sunny days. I look and feel this way, well cuz I drank and I smoked. I lived and I loved, danced, sang, sweat and screwed my way thorough a pretty damn good life if you ask me. Getting old ain't bad Ben. Getting old, that's earned. '
(The Guardian)

3 hours to Friday

Restlessness bites at the mind,
I’m waiting for something.
Maybe a brilliant ending.
God, I do so love endings
When will mine come? Doesn’t life feel
Like a replica of something else to you?
I’m tired of writing tragic poems,
Make me bleed, there must be something
Else beyond this ordinary life.

Alone time

I'm on leave today and it feels so good to have some alone time, away from work. Its been awhile since I have the company of just myself and silence. Its nice to be able to think without getting interrupted every 5 minutes by the phone ringing, colleagues, boss etc. Silence feels like a luxury almost.

Possible plans for today:
1. Take a walk to jalan kayu for prata and teh-halia (ginger tea) and resume frustrating slow reading progress on French Grammar. Can't seem to get beyond page 10...argh!
2. Grab a durian cake at the now-famous Jane's Cake Station, also at Jalan Kayu. Last 2 attempts to get a cake there have been largely unsucessful.
3. Laze by pool and soak up sun. Hopefully remaining flu bug will get killed by the sun. Will probably bring french grammar book along and will probably still be at page 10.
4. Brush and trim cat's fur. This is far from relaxing but necessary to be done today since sailor looks like a cat tangled up in his own fur now.
5. Go gym at 4-5pm and attempt some exercise. Does staring down at the treadmill constitute exercise?

At a loss again

How do you deal with workplace hypocrites who call you their 'dear friend' and sms-es you 'get well' wishes when you're sick and yet says things about you behind your back?

I'm 35 and I still do not know the answer to that. In any case, I know some people are competitive and one way to get ahead is to push others' credibility down. I've decided against confronting her or questioning her friendship or values etc. i think life's too short for misery and enemies. At 35, I'll just do my job and appreciate the genuine friendship of other colleagues who come my way.

I wonder why its hard for people to be genuine or sincere. If I have one wish, its for people to be able to say whats in their hearts and minds and not be afraid of what comes after. Let the chips fall where they may.

Dastardly flu

couldnt have picked a better time to pay me the friendly visit. Its the busiest work period of the year and I'm sick as a fly and in a foul mood. The sight of work piling up faster than I can clear them adds to my depression. Yesterday I sound like a man. Talking, one of my favourite activity, became a painful exercise. Sleep couldnt come either, throat hurt too damn much that i gave up trying to sleep and watched some programme that now I cant even remember. Right now, life is simply horrible. I wish I can run away for a month and come back and things will magically right itself.